| .
El Pepino Feo Cab driving legend Antonio V-8 gave me a phone call the other day and was furious. Apparently he’d read Jack Paris column “Backseat Rhythm” and heard about the famous eating contest and a man who they call “The Corn Borer.” He said quite loudly, “That wimpy gringo believes he can out eat me, El Pepino Feo(the ugly pickle). Uh, I was the Chile Pepper eating champion of my village in Sonora. I will show the corn bread white man Mexicans can eat mas’ of any comida.” Before I go any further let me tell a little about Antonio V-Ocho‘s background(that’s what I call him): As a small boy Antonio lived in small mining town called Cananea in the state of Sonora, Mexico. His father was a miner who worked in the turquoise mine and often left Antonio and his mother alone for days, sometimes weeks at a time. He’d did odd jobs for around the villager to bring extra money or goods home, but mostly he’d work in his garden. He grew tomatoes and cucumbers which wasn’t easy living in the desert but he did it. And he would use vinegar and chilies to pickle all of the cucumbers he’d grown and then store them under his house to keep them cool. He would sell some of them or trade them for chickens or beans but mostly he enjoyed eating them. Soon the villagers started calling him El Pepino Feo, the ugly pickle as a nickname which he didn’t mind at all. One day when his father had been gone for more than a week a stranger had stopped by his old stone house. He was a tall Americano, very good-looking who spoke Spanish and learned from the people in the village about the boy who pickled his cucumbers. He looked for the boy and his pickles to satisfy his craving for the sour treat. And soon visited the home. Antonio’s Mother invited the stranger into the house and then cooked him a nice meal of tacos, rice and beans. She then instructed Antonio to bring 3 jars of the pickles so the man could buy them and he did. He gave Antonio twenty American dollars for the pickles which was a small fortune for the boy who’d never seen American currency. He opened the glass jar and ate one of the pickles. “Ah yes, this brings me mucho gusto,” the stranger said while tasting the pickles. ”And mucho gracias la Bonita,“(thank-you pretty one.)The stranger finished the meal and left with his three jars of pickles. Antonio watched as the stranger walked away down the dusty road back to the village. Early the next morning Antonio was awakened by voices and went to the window to see who it was. In the dawns early light he saw the silhouette of the Americano, there embracing and kissing his Mother. She begged him to take her with him, but he said good-bye. She held his hand at length until she could hold it no more. The stranger again walked away down the dusty road, but this time would never be seen again. El Pepino Feo’s mother would never mention the stranger to him or to his Father who never did return home from the mine. In fact, Antonio’s Father left his family and headed North into the United States and never returned to Mexico. An angered Antonio uprooted his vegetable garden and broke the remaining jars of pickles. He hid a silent hatred for Gringos and developed a eating disorder. He gained an enormous amount of weight and at 16 would and enter The Sonora Jalapeño’ Chile Pepper Eating Contest which he won by eating record amounts of Serrano, Habanero and jalapeño chilies. He followed his father’s footsteps leaving home to come to the United States. He worked in Arizona and became a legal resident years later, but he still carried his ill feeling towards Gringos and one other thing; he still had the twenty dollar bill the mysterious stranger had given him for the three jars of pickles. It’s been over twenty-five since then and he now lives in Las Vegas driving a taxi with his Gringo wife Ann. Yes and he insures me he loves her truly. Now back to the phone call, “Let me at this Corn-Borer and I’ll eat him to death!” |
 |
| This story was published in April's Issue of Trip Sheet Magazine 2007 Fellow writer Jack Paris asked me to do a cross-over and we both did a parody on Cab-drivers and a fictional eating contest! |